As you make the rounds at high school graduation parties, poking over the three-bean dip under a rented tent, you may have the unfortunate experience of coming face to face with the college-bound honoree.
“How bout those Mumford & Sons, they rock, huh.”
No. You’re not cool.
Instead offer the young optimist some guidance. Be concise and quick, as the youngster may have a long night of celebration and debauchery ahead.
Following is a list of advice I’ve prepared in hopes enlightening the graduate. Feel free to borrow if necessary.
Pick A “Pocket Protector” Career
This is a no brainer. Tell the graduate to choose a job that requires the use of a pocket protector.
This simple advice may immediately point the student in the direction of an engineer, computer programmer, or scientist.
At the same time, dissuade him or her from becoming a professional wrestler.
The graduate may stare at you blankly, but will thank you years from now when their job doesn’t entail getting smashed over the head with a stool during a cage match.
Even if college isn’t in their future, suggest a pocket protector anyway. People may think they’re smart.
And that’s half the battle.
Create Oddball Facebook Alias
College is fun. Heck, real fun.
But it’s important to keep the fun times private. As well as your identity.
Potential employers may search social media to check the behavior of new hires. And they might not want their next employee of the month to be the “best dang beer pong player on the Carnival Fantasy.”
So tell the high school alumnus to ditch their real Facebook name. And the sooner the better.
A new name may then be created to throw snoopy employers off the trail.
Be creative. Possible aliases include:
Brussel S. Prout
Note: if their Facebook page is dedicated to their work with Leader Dogs for the Blind, stay the course.
Get a Grip
What they may not teach in high school is the importance of a firm handshake. In fact, with the proliferation of fist pumping, the graduate may have never shaken hands.
Test this hypothesis by extending your palm face-in toward the graduate and count to three. If you’re met with confusion, it’s time to explain the value of this once preferred custom.
A firm handshake projects confidence and trust. A weak handshake, or “wet fish” projects weakness.
If time allows, demonstrate the greeting using role-playing.
“Hello,” you should say, while offering your palm, “I’m so and so.”
If nothing else, the graduate will shake your hand quickly, and move hurriedly on to other guests.
And you can get back to the buffet table.