Sunday, February 28, 2016

Gary George Humor Report - February 28, 2016


Be Informed!

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Laugh - Before It's Too Late.

Thursday, February 18, 2016

Humor Report February 18, 2016 - Be Informed

Gary George Humor Report February 18, 2016

Be Informed!


Subscribe to my YouTube channel for a chance to win a free psychic Reading:
Gary George Humor Report

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UClrOowDeIAMdHKDVY5qQ3_w

Saturday, February 13, 2016

Millennial Alert: How To Use A Phone Book



Subscribe to my YouTube channel for a chance to win a free psychic reading:
Gary George Humor Report:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UClrOowDeIAMdHKDVY5qQ3_w

You will thank me later.

Laugh before it's too late.

Sunday, January 24, 2016

Humor Report Top 5 Stories - January 23, 2016

Humor Report - Week in Review: January 17 - 24, 2016


A CNN poll revealed the democratic race was getting tighter.  Bernie Sanders had 30% of the vote.  Hillary Clinton followed closely with 32%.  And singer Adele led both candidates with 48%.

Internet betting site FanDuel was sued for $50,000 in damages after a man in a Broncos jersey throat-punched man in Patriot’s jersey. 

Mariah Carey received a 35-carat engagement ring from her billionaire fiancĂ© James Packer.  Friends said the pop singer bragged about the gift until seeing it on the Home Shopping Network for $35.99.

Country singer Willie Nelson announced a benefit concert for Farmville.  The once popular mobile app has suffered declining popularity as people determined raising livestock on a phone is a senseless, idiotic, waste of time. 

A massive blizzard hit the east coast on Saturday, closing roads, mass transportation and Broadway, proving once and for all – the show really doesn’t have to go on ….




Friday, January 1, 2016

Top 5 Mind-Boggling Predictions for 2016

The New Year is upon us and it's time to ponder the future.

Some forecasters play it safe by predicting Leonardo DiCaprio will finally win an Oscar for fighting a bear.

Not I.

Here are my five over-the-top predictions for 2016.

5. NBC Airs Live Musical Version of “Scarface”
 With the huge success of  “The Wiz Live!” the Peacock Network ups the ante with a song and dance version of the classic crime thriller.
 Hugh Jackman plays gangster Tony Montana with earnest, belting out songs about drug trafficking and money laundering while playfully twirling a chain saw.
 The powerful climax has the coked-up mobster singing a whimsical ballad called “Say Hello To My Little Friend” before unloading a t-shirt gun into the audience.
 4. Caitlyn Jenner Marries Jake From State Farm
 TMZ breaks the story of former Olympian Caitlyn Jenner’s secret nuptial with reclusive insurance huckster Jake.
 A small ceremony of close friends and family takes place on a secluded Hawaiian island.  Dress is informal, as the bridesmaids wear beige pants and red shirts. 
 No one protests the union and the quaint ceremony is officiated by the Aflac duck.
 3. President Obama Wins Cuba in Poker Game.
 On a vacation to Cuba President Obama wins the Caribbean island in a high stakes poker hand with Raul Castro.
 The pot, which started out with a rum factory and parts of Dade County, goes to Obama when he produces a straight flush.
 The two men share a cigar while forming a transition plan that includes opening several McDonald’s and filming a reality show called “The Real Housewives of Havana.”
 2.  The L.A. Lakers Draft Pop Group One Direction
 After a dismal 2015 season, the L.A. Lakers bring “Showtime” back to the Staples Center by drafting pop band One Direction. 
 The English-Irish group has no basketball skills, but that doesn’t matter.   The boys save all of their energy for the half time show where they perform a greatest hits medley that blows the top off the roof.
 Best of all, departed singer Zayn Malik rejoins the group when he is promised a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
 1. Donald Trump Picks Steve Harvey as Running Mate
Comedian Steve Harvey is selected as Trump’s running mate and immediately declares “The Don” winner of the presidential race.
 The two exchange celebratory high fives as Wayne Newton sings “Danke Schoen.”
 After a windy acceptance speech, Trump is informed the actual election isn’t for another four months.
 Harvey is hastily ushered into the boardroom and fired.




Monday, August 17, 2015

Prince William and Kate Middleton Adopt Honey Boo Boo


Note: Originally published on absrdcomedy.com.  Check out more hilarious parody news stories.

In a move that caught royal watchers off-guard, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge announced they adopted reality child star, Honey Boo Boo.

The couple decided to take in the former beauty pageant contestant after a plea from parent Mama June.

“My baby keeps begging to live in a castle,” June reportedly told Kate, “I just can’t provide an adequately lifestyle.”

The Duchess apparently decided the former beauty pageant contestant would be a perfect addition to the monarchy.

“She’s accustomed to the cameras,” Kate said, “and I loved her show, especially when she bobbed for hot dogs in eggnog.”

 Tabloid reporter, Eunice Bratwistle, was stunned by the announcement.

“Sure Kate wants a big family, but I’m not sure England is ready for royal vajiggle jaggle.”

When asked about Honey Boo Boo’s fashion sense, Bratwistle was steadfast.

“It’s nothing a pair of Spanx couldn’t fix.”

Upon arriving at her new home at Kensington Palace, Honey Boo Boo was her feisty self, twerking to make the Royal Guard laugh.

“This is fun,” she told the soldier, “Later on we’ll play “Guess Whose Breath?”

The star immediately became a big sister to one of the most famous babies in the world, 18-month-old Prince George. 

“I don’t trust him,” Honey Boo Boo revealed, “He looks like the kid from ‘The Omen”, I’m totally creeped.”

Royal historian, Nigel Nippleton, details how Honey Boo’s adoption changes the order of succession to the British throne.

“Of course, Prince Charles follows Queen Elizabeth.  After that it’s Prince William, Prince George and Prince Harry.  Then hold on to your knickers, Honey Boo Boo takes over.”

When asked what she would do if she were queen, Honey Boo lit up.

“I’d cut me some coupons and then go shopping for cheese balls in a limo.”

Prince Charles was perturbed upon hearing the news and immediately began beating himself in the head with a polo mallet.

“He’s at the end of his tether,” Camilla said when a valet tried to disarm him, “But he’ll be alright after a Skinnygirl cocktail and nap.”  

Texas Cold Case Unit Reopens “Who Shot J.R.?”


Note: Originally published on absrdcomedy.com.  Check out more hilarious parody news stories.

Rookie Detective Zachary Mellon thought he was reading about a real-life felony when he stumbled across the shooting of oil tycoon J.R. Ewing.

Sifting through press clippings of unsolved crimes, the cold case investigator was unaware the article was from the 80’s TV show “Dallas,” and unwittingly reopened the case.

“It bothered me that no one was prosecuted,” Mellon said, “He wasn’t the nicest guy, from what I could tell, but he didn’t deserve to get popped like that.”

Mellon’s partner, Joss Bradner, also unfamiliar with the popular primetime soap opera, agreed the
case should be reopened.

“I thought Zach was on to something,” Bradner said, “J.R.’s wife, Sue Ellen was jailed, but then release for lack of evidence.  Someone should be held accountable.”

The two detectives drove around greater Dallas for a few days trying to interview witnesses, but kept hitting dead ends.

“People just kind of looked at us funny,” Zack said, “Like we were crazy or something.”

The investigation was halted after precinct commander, Captain Drake Wasont, was informed.

“I couldn’t believe these two nitwits were trying to find out who shot J.R.,” Wasont said,  “I didn’t know whether to suspend them or buy them the complete series box set on Amazon.”

When asked about the incident, Mellon downplayed the mistake.

“I did feel kind of silly when I found out it was just a TV show, “ Mellon said, “but no harm was done.”

When asked if he ever found out who shot J.R., the detective laughed.

 “Everyone knows it was Kristin Shepard, J.R.’s sister-in-law.  Right?”