Note: Originally published on absrdcomedy.com. Check out more hilarious parody news stories.
In a move that caught royal watchers off-guard, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge announced they adopted reality child star, Honey Boo Boo.
The couple decided to take in the former beauty pageant contestant after a plea from parent Mama June.
“My baby keeps begging to live in a castle,” June reportedly told Kate, “I just can’t provide an adequately lifestyle.”
The Duchess apparently decided the former beauty pageant contestant would be a perfect addition to the monarchy.
“She’s accustomed to the cameras,” Kate said, “and I loved her show, especially when she bobbed for hot dogs in eggnog.”
Tabloid reporter, Eunice Bratwistle, was stunned by the announcement.
“Sure Kate wants a big family, but I’m not sure England is ready for royal vajiggle jaggle.”
When asked about Honey Boo Boo’s fashion sense, Bratwistle was steadfast.
“It’s nothing a pair of Spanx couldn’t fix.”
Upon arriving at her new home at Kensington Palace, Honey Boo Boo was her feisty self, twerking to make the Royal Guard laugh.
“This is fun,” she told the soldier, “Later on we’ll play “Guess Whose Breath?”
The star immediately became a big sister to one of the most famous babies in the world, 18-month-old Prince George.
“I don’t trust him,” Honey Boo Boo revealed, “He looks like the kid from ‘The Omen”, I’m totally creeped.”
Royal historian, Nigel Nippleton, details how Honey Boo’s adoption changes the order of succession to the British throne.
“Of course, Prince Charles follows Queen Elizabeth. After that it’s Prince William, Prince George and Prince Harry. Then hold on to your knickers, Honey Boo Boo takes over.”
When asked what she would do if she were queen, Honey Boo lit up.
“I’d cut me some coupons and then go shopping for cheese balls in a limo.”
Prince Charles was perturbed upon hearing the news and immediately began beating himself in the head with a polo mallet.
“He’s at the end of his tether,” Camilla said when a valet tried to disarm him, “But he’ll be alright after a Skinnygirl cocktail and nap.”