Collateral Wit: Week in Review September 21-27, 2014

For the Sophisticated Reader ...

A Recap of My Tweets                September 21 - 27, 2014

Starbucks is testing coffee that tastes like beer.  Beer is testing beer that tastes like beer.

Apple apologizes for leaving all vowels off of iPhone 6 keyboard.  Vows to fix the problem by Christmas.

Obama salutes Marine while holding a live kangaroo as he exits Air Force One. PITA outraged.

Derek Jeter hits walk-off single in final game at Yankee Stadium, then levitates around the bases.

Justin Beiber damages eardrum cliff diving, threatens to sue water for being too hard.

George Clooney files for divorce after new wife uses wrong toothbrush.

Collateral Wit: Week in Review September 14 - 20, 2014

For the Sophisticated Reader ...

A Recap of My Tweets September 14 - 20, 2014

Olive Garden management admits that after sitting just 7 minutes, the breadsticks deteriorate in quality.  And after 20 minutes, the appetizer can be used to etch cave drawings.


Neil Young reportedly taking scuba lessons after learning Daryl Hannah is a mermaid.


After losing endorsement contract with Castrol, AdrianPeterson has signed a multi-year sponsorship deal with Beats By Dre.

The 2nd most important referendum for Scottish voters is whether or not to put Fat Bastard on a postage stamp.

Crest agrees to stop putting plastic microbeads in toothpaste after Ohio man sneezes out a Tupperware pepper shaker.

As Alibaba begins trading, Wall Street security heightened for potential threat by forty thieves.

NFL offers suspended players to tackle White House fence jumpers.

Russian jets intercepted near Alaska, Sarah Palin stands on porch looking for wing walkers.

Police capture escapees in Fresno, California – dashing their hopes at forming boy band “New Kids on the Lamb.”