Humor Rewind by Gary George - A Week Glance at News February 4, 2018 - February 10, 2018

Robert Wagner was named ‘person of interest’ in Natalie Wood’s drowning death after DNA evidence revealed he was 30% Norwegian, 10% German, and 60% Guilty.

L.L. Bean canceled its lifetime return policy after a Pilgrim tried to return a hat buckle.

Joe Kennedy applied too much lip balm during his speech spurring rumors of another ChapStickquiddick.

After hearing Dunkin’ Donuts will eliminate foam cups by 2020, McDonald’s revealed it will stop making foam McNuggets by 2025.

Kid who took Super Bowl halftime selfie with Justin Timberland sued Pepsi for a “crappy 15 minutes of fame.” 

Norovirus spread through the Olympic Village causing officials to change the event from Curling to Hurling.

A Girl Scout from California sold 300 boxes of cookies outside a pot shop, the most popular being the TagaBongs.

U.S. stock market lost more than $3 trillion, but consumers rested easy knowing their Dominos carry-out pizza was insured.  

Amazon teamed up with other corporate giants to form a healthcare company that will offer EchoCardiograms.

During State of the Union Address, Trump took credit for Liberating Paris.

Also promised to remove ‘From Justin to Kelly’ from Netflix.

The temperature at the Winter Olympics was so cold the ice dancers decided not to shave their legs.

Justin Timberlake performed at the Olympic Opening Ceremony, then fell while attempting a Triple Axel Booty Pop.

‘North Korea invited South Korea’s president to visit, but demanded he bring a dish to pass.

Olympic skier Al Pine admitted he only made the team because of his name and had never actually seen snow.

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Humor Rewind by Gary George - A Weak Glance at News August 27 - September 02, 2017

Amazon lowered prices at Whole Foods this week, as the price of a banana dropped to $74.50.

“Springsteen on Broadway” tickets went on sale.  Working-class fans could purchase for $20,000.

As tensions rose, North Korea lobbed a water balloon at Japan.

Overheard at Video Music Awards after-party, “Are you Milli or Vanilli?”

Richard Anderson, actor in “Six Million Dollar Man” died at 91.  Steve Austin was chosen to be the sole pallbearer.

Military operations continued as U.S. and South Korea simulated a game of Red Rover.

Mark Zuckerberg overheard telling new daughter “You’re taking up too much of MySpace.”

Matt Stafford celebrated being the highest paid player in the NFL by guaranteeing at least 3 wins this season.

As tensions rose, North Korea gave Japan a wedgie.

FDA recalled pacemakers vulnerable to cyberattacks.  In-store replacements were available at participating Verizon stores.

A college student was accidently given $1M in financial aid – still needed to borrow additional funds for textbooks.

Cowboys traded WR to Seahawks for senior cheerleader, after two in squad suffered eyebrow-waxing accidents.

Kim Jong Un tasted a Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte, then agreed to end North Korean nuclear program.

Fashion critics wondered what type of shoe Melania would wear to the L.A. wildfire.

Special Hurricane Harvey Coverage:

Econ Lodge offered free rooms to displaced hurricane residents, yet still remained 90% unoccupied.

Joel Osteen denied sheltering flood victims based on a giant game of BINGO.

Price gouging was reported, as a Kenny G. box set skyrocketed to .35 cents.

Celebrity donations continued to roll in to Texas, as Burt Reynolds pledged $8.00

Hurricane survival stories emerged, as family of five was pulled from a Cracker Barrel gravy boat. 

For more humor news & views, follow me on Twitter: @garygeorgevich