Humor Rewind by Gary George - A Weak Glance at News July 23 - July 30, 2017

Following a weeklong technology consortium, experts agreed that Greek yogurt is not practical to be stored on the cloud.

Senior White House Advisor, Jared Kushner confirmed, “I did not have sexual relations with the Russians.”

Luxury fashion designer Michael Kors agreed to buy shoe company Jimmy Choo in 1.2 billion deal.  Management expected to get the boot.

Academy Award winning actor Ben Affleck was signed to play Batman - in Dunkirk ll.

Experts warned that great white sharks are getting braver in California, after one is spotted on shore, playing in a Calypso band.

Trump revealed a ban of transgender people from the military, claiming he is Saving Ryan’s Privates.

In Switzerland, a man was arrested following a chainsaw attack.  Police found him in a clearing in the woods.

Hillary Clinton’s campaign memoir to be titled “What Happened.”  Insights to be given by Raj, Dwayne, and Rerun.

Pop sensation Justin Beiber canceled the remainder of his international tour.  Tickets can be refunded at point if purchase, but your dignity will remain unredeemed.

Soviets retaliate against U.S. sanctions by banning export of Russian dressing.

After Senate rejected a plan to repeal parts of the Affordable Care Act, Republicans introduced an extra-skinny, slimmed down Obamacare replacement with Zero Calories.

Mayberry police release body camera video of Barney Fife, revealing that the officer followed procedure during a jaywalking incident that caused rioting.

Michigan resident, Chet Farkins, reported that someone popped up from the back seat of his car and put a plastic bag over his head.   Further investigation revealed it was only his cat playing a joke.

According to White House staff, President Trump spoke to 5 billion boy scouts at a jamboree.

Police push back against Trump's law-and-order speech, say they will continue to put two mints and a bath robe in the back of squad cars.

Follow me on Twitter: @garygeorgevich for more breaking news and insight.

Humor Rewind by Gary George - A Weak Glance at News July 16 - July 22, 2017

New study showed that zombies no longer pose a threat at the mall, as most of the undead now shop exclusively on Amazon.

Singer R. Kelly adamantly denied he was leading a cult, but backed down on the claim he believed he could fly.

Couple missing 75 years found in glacier – man had map in hand, but believed not to have asked for directions.

O.J. Simpson had release hearing midweek.  Supporters chanted,  “If he regrets he stole, you must parole.”

White House committee revealed new Obamacare Plan C: An Apple A Day

Jane Austen was chosen to be on Britain’s new pound bank note, barely beating out runner-up, Jane’s Addiction.

Study revealed the name “Donald” has lost popularity.  But “Duck” had retained its likeability.

Wild monkeys were found roaming in Florida.  Sheriff said as long as one isn’t riding horseback, carrying a rifle, and named Caesar, he’s not overly concerned.

Ann Coulture went on a Twitter rampage after person in front of her in the “8 Items or Less” line had 14 items.

Top 3 Urgent Care Emojis were announced by Apple:

1. Knife cutting a bagel
2. Pink eye
3. Legs sticking out of wood chipper

Wimbledon fell under suspicion of match-fixing, after replay showed Andy Murray played losing set with an egg whisk.

Salvador Dali’s remains were exhumed in a paternity suit.  Artist was known to have had an open marriage and participate in origami.

After learning Michael Phelps was racing a Great White Shark on the Discovery Channel, Joey Chestnut challenged a Labrador Retriever to a hot dog eating contest on the Food Network.

Before being released, OJ Simpson agreed to play against the guards in a game of football.

Follow me on Twitter: @garygeorgevich for more breaking news and insight.

Humor Rewind by Gary George - A Week Glance at News June 25 - July 1, 2017

Tiger woods reveals he's receiving "professional help" to manage medications.  Understandable, as we all know how difficult it can be to keep your prescriptions organized.

Bill Cosby suffers another setback as he loses honorary degree - this time from Trump University.

After helping to start the company, Uber CEO abruptly resigns.  
Then calls cab to get home from office.

Daniel Day Lewis quits acting, prompting several sequels to be put on hold, including:
3. Lincoln Resurrection 
2. One More Mohican (This Time We Mean It) 
1. My Left Foot 2 – I Still Don’t Know What You Painted Last Summer

Johnny Depp shows remorse for threatening to kill the president.  But still refuses to apologize for his portrayal of Tonto.  

Hackers hit U.K. Parliament, exposing hundreds of silly walks.
Residents told to "watch their step."

Gorilla dances in kiddie pool and then goes viral.  Director of "Flashdance" sues the ape for copyright moves.

Italian cyclist Tony Fenaldo is banned from the Tour de France after testing positive for Nutella.

Summer Camp Activities: Intro to Polk
9 - 10 am:  Three Steps and One Hop
10 - noon:  - Tying A Double-Knot Shoelace
Lunch: Fried Baloney Sandwiches
1- 2 pm:  Accordion Beat Basics
2 -4 pm: Untying a Double-Knot Shoelace

President Trump announces travel ban to Funky Town, prompting hundreds to get their groove on.  

Greek historians uncover document that shows they could have won the had they had 301 soldiers.