As you make the rounds at high school graduation
parties, poking over the three-bean dip under a rented tent, you may have the
unfortunate experience of coming face to face with the college-bound honoree.
“How 'bout that new Drake tune, it rocks.”
No.
You’re not cool.
Instead offer the young optimist some guidance.
Be concise and quick, as the youngster may have a long night of celebration and debauchery ahead.
Be concise and quick, as the youngster may have a long night of celebration and debauchery ahead.
Following is a list of advice that may enlighten the graduate.
Pick A “Pocket
Protector” Career
This is a no brainer. Tell the graduate to choose a job that
requires the use of a pocket protector.
This simple advice may immediately point the
student in the direction of an engineer, computer programmer, or scientist.
At the same time, dissuade him or her from
becoming a professional wrestler.
The graduate may stare at you blankly, but will
thank you years from now when their job doesn’t entail getting smashed over the
head with a stool.
Even if college isn’t in their future, suggest a
pocket protector anyway. People will think
they’re intelligent.
And that’s half the battle.
Create An Oddball Social Media Alias
College is fun. Heck, real fun.
But it’s important to keep
the fun times private. As well as your
identity.
Employers searching social media may not want their next hire to be the “King of Beer Pong" on the Carnival Fantasy.
So tell the high school alumnus
to ditch their real Facebook name and create a new identity to throw snoopy employers off the trail.
Be creative. Possible aliases include:
Don Corleone
Salamander F.
Hitchcock III
Brussel S. Prout
Get a Grip
What they may not teach in
high school is the importance of a firm handshake. In
fact, with the proliferation of fist pumping, the graduate may have never
shaken hands.
Test this hypothesis by
extending your palm face-in toward the graduate and count to three. If you’re met with confusion, it’s time to
explain the value of this once preferred custom.
A firm handshake projects
confidence and trust. A weak handshake,
or “wet fish” projects weakness.
If time allows, demonstrate
the greeting using role-playing.
“Hello,” you should say,
while offering your palm, “I’m so and so.”
If nothing else, the graduate
will shake your hand quickly, and move hurriedly on to other guests.
And you can get back to the
buffet table.
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