Mandatory Helmet Laws and the Revival of JARTS

The recent repeal of Michigan’s mandatory helmet law was met with much adulation.   Not by me, as I do not own a motorcycle, but by bikers clamoring to uncover their cranium and leave the skull to its own devices should a collision occur.  

Now that freedom has been attained for those wishing to have their noodle placed into jeopardy, it’s time to focus our attention on another controversial law - the ban of Jarts.

Jarts, if you recall, is a lawn game whereas opponents toss a metal tipped rod with colorful fins down the course and into a plastic hoop.  Following injury reports, Jarts was banned in the 80’s, ending up in the Forbidden Toy Graveyard along with Click Clack Clackers.

If you do not remember any riots, marches or boycotts regarding the decision to revoke Jarts, you are not alone.  The single act of protest was a hunger strike by East Coast activist Preston Bartholomew, which lasted five hours, before he gave in to a bowl of chowder.

As I had always enjoyed the game, I was devastated by the ban.  I remember the moment I heard the news - December 19, 1988.  The radio was blaring “Never Gonna Give You Up,” by Rick Astley and a DJ interrupted with the shocking announcement.

“No more lawn Jarts folks, but I do have some Taylor Dayne coming up after the break!”

At the time, I believed Jarts was unfairly singled out.  Dangerous games, such as croquet, were left on toy shelves by lawmakers, who had apparently never been hit in the head by a mallet swung by a sugar-buzzed spaz who thought he was Thor.

Experts agree the decision was a result of the political landscape.  Now retired toy lobbyist, Trenton Brackner, recalled the era.  “I sat down with many a Congressman and extolled the safety features of everything from Whiffle Ball Bats to BB Guns – which were, let’s be frank, some of the most dangerous toys on earth.  But the folks at Jarts, they never solicited our services.”

Why wasn’t safety given a higher priority by manufacturers?  Who Knows?  

Possibly because creators of the game naively thought that only sober, responsible people would partake.  We now know this to be false.  Research shows that picnics, barbecues, beach parties and family reunions are a hotbed for alcohol flaring tempers and often regrettable actions.

If you plan on organizing such an event – be sure to have an ambulance on call.

Now that our lawmakers seem to be warming to the idea of dangerous behavior, there is no better time to petition for the return of Jarts.

The safety problems that plagued the game could certainly be addressed.  In fact, all issues could be resolved by one simple stipulation – that all players have a mandatory helmet requirement.

 And where are we to find the thousands of helmets needed to make the game safe?  I suggest that an abundance will be cropping up with the recent revocation of the mandatory motorcycle helmet laws.

So before your biker friend ditches their helmet in the attic or turns it into a herb garden – politely ask for it, so you can participate in the rejuvenation of a classic yard game. 

While they will be on the interstate just one distracted driver away from a catastrophe … you’ll be lobbing lawn darts at you're partner like there's no tomorrow.

See you at the beach!