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| Loading the cart can be tricky. You must stack, crimp and reposition. |
Maybe Nevada lawmakers are unaware of the benefits. According to Brigham Young University,recycling a single aluminum can will save enough energy to run a TV set for three hours. That's like watching "Casino" for free - with two minutes to spare.
No matter, these politicians should reconsider. In Michigan, our deposit law seems to have reduced litter. Take a leisurely drive up I-75. You're more likely to find a stray penguin on the side of the road than a Dr. Pepper can that could fetch 10 cents.
Perhaps policy makers around Las Vegas are concerned that recycling will place too much of a burden on its populace. If so, do not fear - or loathe. As a seasoned recycler, I offer several tips to ease any trepidation.
Storage Chores
When a deposit law is implemented, the first concern is what to do with all those returnables.
A common method is to toss them in a garbage can fitted with a plastic bag. I prefer Hefty - endorsed for years by Jonathan Winters, and known for its two-ply system with odor block technology. If cutting-edge liners are unaffordable, there's no shame in using brown paper sacks.
Before stowing, it's essential to make sure the containers are completely drained. If not, the liquid will spill out, coating them with a sticky residue that will remain on your hands for decades - similar to the maple syrup bottles at IHOP.
As redemption machines are different for bottles and cans, it is beneficial to store them separately. If this seems too troublesome, don't worry; dump them all in one big mishmash. And hope your spouse is the one who makes the trip to the recycling center.
Regarding return frequency, weekly trips are recommended. Left unchecked, empties can multiply like mold on a shower curtain at a Bulgarian Youth Hostel.
Driving Miss Empty
The commute to the supermarket must be slow and focused to avoid spilling the cargo. That means no cell calls. No texting. No scrolling on your iPod to find a 'bangin' song by Pitbull.
Regardless of how careful your drive, when the vehicle door opens, invariably several bottles will tumble out and shatter on the pavement. A teen in a red vest, whose only care in the world was 'what sub to get at Jimmy John's,' will shoot you a palpable glare. Ignore the lad and go about your business.
Loading the shopping cart can be tricky. You must stack, crimp, and reposition. At all cost, try to fit all the bags in one buggy. Nothing makes you look more transient than pushing one cart while pulling another.
You're now ready to break for the store entrance. Walk quickly, as if everyone were staring at you - because they will be.
Rise of the Bottle Machines
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| The apparatus has a square body, digital forehead and wide mouth ... |
At 6 feet 3 inches tall, the redemption machine is nothing less than intimidating. The apparatus has a square body, digital forehead and wide mouth. If it reminds you of a 1960s sci-fi robot, you wouldn't be alone - "Crush, Kill, Destroy."
The directions are simple. Place the can or bottle into the hole. Watch it disappear. Repeat.
An unauthorized barcode may result in a rejection. So be smart and check the label. If you're trying to scan a bottle of Pond Hopper Double Pale Ale that your Belgium friend left at the party, you're asking for trouble.
Watching the empties swirl around is mesmerizing. You will begin to drift, losing track of time and reality. A magical place will enter your mind - a pristine beach, a fertile valley, the all-you-can-eat salad bar at The Olive Garden.
As you work, inevitably someone will walk up holding a small bag of empties.
Look away! Do not make eye contact, as the worst thing you can do is let that person "take cuts." There's no guarantee this pedestrian line jumper has the brainpower to operate the machine.
You may encounter a flashing message that reads "Bins Full - Call for Service." Beware - the button connects to the doorbell of a butcher in Breitbrunn, Germany. Ringing it will prompt Frau Raabe to yell at her husband.
"Heinz, answer the door, it may be a customer starved for Schnitzel!"
Before leaving, use the Lysol No-Hand Soap Dispenser. It's there for a reason.
Greening Las Vegas
If Nevada lawmakers are still afraid that recycling lacks community support, they need to think out of the box.
Appeal to the senses of risk and greed - tailor the redemption machines to operate like slots.
Increase the deposit amount to 50 cents, then add the extra coinage to a progressive payout. Now when empties are returned, there's some thrill and excitement.
After the first highly publicized jackpot, the masses will line up as if they're receiving water from the fountain of youth.
Problem solved - a clean Sin City, happy recyclers and guilt-free garbage dumps.
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