Monday, March 18, 2013

Dennis Rodman Paves Way for North Korea Sports Exchange: 3 Athletes to Consider


Dennis Rodman's recent visit to North Korea may have opened the door for diplomatic relations between the U.S. and the authoritarian-ruled country. As reported by The New York Times, leader Kim Jong Un told the former NBA star he hoped a sports exchange would be activated to promote mutual understanding between the two countries.
I'm not sure what that means, but I'm all for it. If sending over a few of our pro athletes will help mellow out a dynasty that is hell-bent on proliferating nuclear weapons - game on!
Here's a list of all-stars I believe may make perfect ambassadors for the trip.
Mike Tyson
Does Kim Jong Un like boxing? Who knows? He's fairly close to the vest with his personal life. But Mike Tyson is my first pick to showcase America's raw power.
The dictator would surely respect Iron Mike's ruthless style, fierce persona, and impressive record (50 wins, 44 by KO.) And after Rodman's visit, we can assume Kim's not intimidated by an athlete with multiple tattoos.
The two men could share a ringside beer at a state-fixed boxing tournament.
Or better yet, they could string up their gloves and face off in a charity bout - all proceeds benefitting ruling class members who can't afford Botox. My money's on Mike (sorry Kim Jong Un.)
At a post-fight dinner, the gents could boast about their accomplishments. "I bit off some dudes ear," Tyson might say.
"Well, I launched a rocket that circled the earth twice," Jong may retort.
As a parting gift, Tyson could offer Kim Jong a DVD Box set of "M*A*S*H*." The North Korean leader, in return, may just relax his quest for nuclear supremacy.
Keep your fingers crossed.
John McEnroe
Kim Jong Un would most likely welcome any athlete who excels in a sport that requires mental toughness, strategy, and physical stamina. Even if that sport is tennis.
So choosing John McEnroe to knock on the palace gate is a no-brainer. The eight-time grand slam winner would make a perfect ambassador.
Sitting courtside, Kim won't know what hit him as McEnroe serves up opinions of the dictator's agenda.
"A missile that can reach the U.S. mainland? You can not be serious!" McEnroe may lament, "You are a disgrace! Everyone here is a disgrace!"
"Did you say you're conducting another nuclear test, Kim? That is absolutely unacceptable!"
North Korea, not a country known for glasnost, may send the tennis legend to a mountain prison gulag for an extended stay.
Or maybe, just maybe, the country's space center will be turned into an Ikea.
Ricky Bobby
Sure NASCAR superstar, Ricky Bobby, is a fictitious movie character, but so what? With North Korea's limited media access, it wouldn't surprise me if the outlandish film was perceived as a documentary.
Send over publicity folks, a film crew, and an entourage of Ricky Bobby's friends, and you may have a ruse not seen since "Argo."
Although worlds apart, Kim Jong Un and Ricky Bobby could become fast friends and attend a motor race featuring cars built by Pyeonghwa Motors Corp.
"Dang, they're fast!" Bobby may say, as not to insult the manufacturing capabilities of the host country.
"Maybe I'll sponsor your next race," Jong may say, "Do you think our flag will fit on the hood?"
Back at the palace, Kim could serve a feast of Ricky Bobby's favorite nourishment: Domino's, KFC, and, the always delicious, Taco Bell.
"No wonder you like this food," Jong may say, "It's scrumptious."
"Well come visit me and I'll show you some good old southern hospitality."
Maybe Kim will accept the invitation to come to America and spend some time hooting it up with Bobby and company.
The dictator may just realize America is not the axis of evil, but just a bunch of fun loving dudes who like to drive fast and shop at Target.
And there you have it. We could be one pit stop closer to world peace.

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