Thursday, June 27, 2013

Should Hurricanes Have Mob Names?

Tropical Cyclones May Be Taken More Seriously with Meaner Nicknames

Tropical storm season is upon us and that means a host of hurricanes will be swooping up through the North Atlantic. Unlike other weather patterns, such as fog and light drizzle, these devastating storms each have their own name.
Although these patterns may cause mass destruction and heartache, the names are fairly benign, such as Melissa and Barry (no offense to Mr. Manilow.)
Perhaps giving hurricanes mob nicknames may help citizens better navigate these wind-whipping natural disasters. Following are three benefits to consider.
Create Awareness
Does anyone really look forward to the local news weather report? It can be like watching little league soccer. Boring, unless it directly involves someone you know.
But start talking about gangsters and people will tune in quicker than you can say "Al Capone's vault."
The thrill and mystery of "Ice Pick" Ingrid or "Fat Humberto" will be "Must See TV."
Once the public is aware of the danger, people may prepare for the ordeal.
Food may be bought. Storm windows may be installed. And generators may be secured to power video game consoles.
No one should wait out a storm surge without access to "Call of Duty: Black Ops 2" for Xbox.
Heighten Sense of Urgency
Who's afraid of some fast-moving clouds named Gabriel? Not me. I'm not sure I'd do much more than close the window and open a box of Wheat Thins.
And I'm not alone. During hurricanes, there always seems to be some dude standing on his porch with a sandbag yelling, "I ain't goin' nowhere, this is my home!"
But mob names sound threatening and may motivate these oafs to evacuate.
If hurricane officials have trouble dreaming up labels, feel free to use:
  • Barry "The Blowhard" 
  • "Flying Fish" Fernand 
  • "Mad Machete" Melinda 
  • "Scumbag" Van Twist
  • "Wind Whacked" Wendy 
Increase Relief Donations
After a disaster, the Red Cross often solicits money for those affected by the tragedy.
It may be hard to resist donating if you see a damaged house painted with the plea: "Send Money! I Got Hit by Ice Gutter Gust Gaby." Or "Pigeon Head Pablo Flattened my Condo."
And a mob hurricane may certainly make for a cooler sounding benefit. Would you rather see Bruce Springsteen singing for hurricane Nestor or rocking out for "Deathrow" Dory.
Fuhgeddaboudit … I'm already writing a check.

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