In the Syfy movie "Sharknado," wild tornados result in deadly sharks raining down on Los Angeles. Impossible, you say. Well, who knows, I'm not a scientist.
Heck, I don't even know why popcorn pops.
But I know that oddball weather patterns and vicious animals make for a great screenplay.
So if anyone from the Syfy channel is reading, here are three surefire storylines.
"Chipmunk Fog"
Face it, you love chipmunks. The little vermin are adorable as they scurry around your garden, scavenging for food.
But that may change when a freak explosion at a nuclear plant produces a toxic fog. And the chipmunks grow into oversized mutants that crave more than just acorns.
As the cloud settles, you'll have to fend off the 10-foot fur balls as they lunge at your eyes, scratch your face, and try to sell you term life insurance.
Why aren't all animals susceptible to the fog?
Because chipmunks are the only species with an immune system defenseless to this bio-hazardous haze.
Still don't understand? You don't have to … just run for cover.
And grab a Krispy Cream donut; it'll be the only thing that can stop them in their tracks.
"CyborGiraffe Eclipse"
Let's be honest, we all know there are cyborg giraffes living among us. No normal creature could possibly have a neck that long.
Sure these half-animal, half- robot organisms would have us believe they're passive vegetarians. But a CAT scan would show wires, circuitry and a whirlwind of computer chips.
The only thing keeping these cyborgs from turning on the human race is the sunlight that saturates the earth's surface.
So when a storm-induced eclipse darkens the earth, the long-necked machines go berserk.
Into the blackness they shoot electrodes, rip apart innocents, and hack celebrity Twitter accounts.
You'll know we're at the height of the attack when a Ryan Seacrest tweet reads:
"I hate American Idol"
"Porcupine Zombie Geyser"
No surprise here. Undead porcupines spout from the underworld, riding the wave of a geyser.
The result of a seismic shift, the water awakens the critters and they're furious. Panic spreads through a metropolis as porcupines shoot poisonous needles at the population.
And if you're unfortunate enough to get stuck by one of these random quills, guess what? You turn into a zombie porcupine!
Can anything stop the wrath of these rounded rodents?
Of course!
You can hope they don't pay taxes and are sent to prison. The IRS to the rescue again.
So there you have it. Three can't miss movie ideas that should get the immediate green light.
I'm waiting by the phone.
In the Syfy movie "Sharknado," wild tornados result in deadly sharks raining down on Los Angeles. Impossible, you say. Well, who knows, I'm not a scientist.
Heck, I don't even know why popcorn pops.
But I know that oddball weather patterns and vicious animals make for a great screenplay.
So if anyone from the Syfy channel is reading, here are three surefire storylines.
"Chipmunk Fog"
Face it, you love chipmunks. The little vermin are adorable as they scurry around your garden, scavenging for food.
But that may change when a freak explosion at a nuclear plant produces a toxic fog. And the chipmunks grow into oversized mutants that crave more than just acorns.
As the cloud settles, you'll have to fend off the 10-foot fur balls as they lunge at your eyes, scratch your face, and try to sell you term life insurance.
Why aren't all animals susceptible to the fog?
Because chipmunks are the only species with an immune system defenseless to this bio-hazardous haze.
Still don't understand? You don't have to … just run for cover.
And grab a Krispy Cream donut; it'll be the only thing that can stop them in their tracks.
"CyborGiraffe Eclipse"
Let's be honest, we all know there are cyborg giraffes living among us. No normal creature could possibly have a neck that long.
Sure these half-animal, half- robot organisms would have us believe they're passive vegetarians. But a CAT scan would show wires, circuitry and a whirlwind of computer chips.
The only thing keeping these cyborgs from turning on the human race is the sunlight that saturates the earth's surface.
So when a storm-induced eclipse darkens the earth, the long-necked machines go berserk.
Into the blackness they shoot electrodes, rip apart innocents, and hack celebrity Twitter accounts.
You'll know we're at the height of the attack when a Ryan Seacrest tweet reads:
"I hate American Idol"
"Porcupine Zombie Geyser"
No surprise here. Undead porcupines spout from the underworld, riding the wave of a geyser.
The result of a seismic shift, the water awakens the critters and they're furious. Panic spreads through a metropolis as porcupines shoot poisonous needles at the population.
The result of a seismic shift, the water awakens the critters and they're furious. Panic spreads through a metropolis as porcupines shoot poisonous needles at the population.
And if you're unfortunate enough to get stuck by one of these random quills, guess what? You turn into a zombie porcupine!
Can anything stop the wrath of these rounded rodents?
Of course!
You can hope they don't pay taxes and are sent to prison. The IRS to the rescue again.
I'm waiting by the phone.
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