Sunday, March 2, 2014

How to Eat French Onion Soup With a Swiss Army Knife


Soup is typically a simple food to eat. The waiter provides a spoon. You provide the appetite.
But if you're confronted with French onion soup, a lone spoon may be insufficient.
You'll likely be faced with obstacles that include baked Gruyere cheese, a hearty layer of toasted bread, and lengthy onion slices.
What multifunctional tool can help in your campaign?
A Swiss Army knife!
This unique utensil can help cut, grab, lift, and scoop. And even uncork the wine if necessary.
Following are simple instructions.
Cheese Obstruction
The first stumbling block is a thick layer of melted Gruyere. The cheese not only covers the entire top of the bowl, but also drips defiantly over the rim.
If you're a novice, you may attempt to remove the cheese with your fingers by stretching it across the table until it snaps.
This maneuver has a low success rate. And can provoke dirty looks from anyone not sitting in a high chair.
Instead, use the scissors from your Swiss Army knife.
No need to get fancy, just jab the blade between the cheese and clip along as if it were wrapping paper.
People may stare, but you'll have the last laugh as you cut a perfect bite-sized morsel.
Toasted Bread Blockade
Once past the cheese, you're not out of the woods. You'll likely encounter toasted bread, normally French or Italian, floating on top of the soup.
You may attempt to work the spoon underneath the bread and lift it to your mouth. But that is a mistake.
The toasted circle is soggy and unmanageable.
Halfway to your mouth, the mess may slide from the spoon and do a belly flop back in the bowl, splashing onion muck all over your Ralph Lauren button down.
Instead, use the sharpest blade from your Swiss Army knife to cut bread into manageable pieces.
The bread may rise and fall and dance around the broth as you attack.
But keep your cool. You will prevail.
Onion Skirmish
Reaching the soup is no easy task and you are to be commended.
But now is not the time to slack off. Finishing the job is difficult due to the evasive nature of the onions.
Cut in lengthy strings and sitting in broth, the shaved bulbs may slip and slide off the spoon. Every bite may be devoid of the main ingredient, causing frustration.
But don't give up!
Remove the tweezers from the Swiss Army knife and regroup.
Using the pincers, grab the onion pieces from the broth and lift them into the spoon.
Then keep a steady hand. Relax. And manipulate the utensil to your mouth.
Congratulations! You've just eaten French onion soup.
Now, unfold the corkscrew, it's time to celebrate.

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