The New Year is upon us and it's time to ponder
the future.
Some forecasters play it safe by predicting
Leonardo DiCaprio will finally win an Oscar for fighting a bear.
Not I.
Here are my five over-the-top predictions for
2016.
5. NBC Airs Live
Musical Version of “Scarface”
With the huge success of
“The Wiz Live!” the Peacock Network ups the ante with a song and dance
version of the classic crime thriller.
Hugh Jackman plays gangster Tony Montana with earnest, belting out
songs about drug trafficking and money laundering while playfully twirling a
chain saw.
The powerful climax has the coked-up mobster singing a whimsical
ballad called “Say Hello To My Little Friend” before unloading a t-shirt gun
into the audience.
4. Caitlyn
Jenner Marries Jake From State Farm
TMZ breaks the story of
former Olympian Caitlyn Jenner’s secret nuptial with reclusive insurance
huckster Jake.
A small ceremony of close friends and family takes place on a
secluded Hawaiian island. Dress is informal,
as the bridesmaids wear beige pants and red shirts.
No one protests the union and the quaint ceremony is officiated
by the Aflac duck.
3. President
Obama Wins Cuba in Poker Game.
On a vacation to Cuba President Obama wins the Caribbean island
in a high stakes poker hand with Raul Castro.
The pot, which started out with a rum factory and parts of Dade
County, goes to Obama when he produces a straight flush.
The two men share a cigar while forming a transition plan that
includes opening several McDonald’s and filming a reality show called “The Real
Housewives of Havana.”
2. The L.A. Lakers Draft Pop Group One Direction
After a dismal 2015 season, the L.A. Lakers bring “Showtime”
back to the Staples Center by drafting pop band One Direction.
The English-Irish group has no basketball skills, but that
doesn’t matter. The boys save all of
their energy for the half time show where they perform a greatest hits medley
that blows the top off the roof.
Best of all, departed singer Zayn Malik rejoins the group when
he is promised a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
1. Donald Trump Picks Steve Harvey as Running
Mate
Comedian Steve Harvey is selected as Trump’s running mate and
immediately declares “The Don” winner of the presidential race.
The two exchange celebratory high fives as Wayne Newton sings
“Danke Schoen.”
After a windy acceptance speech, Trump is informed the actual
election isn’t for another four months.
Harvey is hastily ushered into the boardroom and fired.
The New Year is upon us and it's time to ponder
the future.
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