How To Eat An Entire Tin of Royal Dansk Butter Cookies

If you work anywhere in America, a tin of Royal Dansk Butter Cookies will undoubtedly end up in your lunch room this holiday season.  You've worked hard all year and are certainly entitled to a cookie.

Heck, you might deserve to chow the whole tin.

Eating the batch is easier than you think.  You don't need years of espionage training.  You just need to be a little sneaky.

If You Snooze, You Lose

The key to total consumption is being a first responder, so act quickly.

Upon entering the lunch room, you cannot simply pop the lid open, as a thin plastic seal spans the circumference.

Do not panic.

Suppress the urge to pick at it with your fingernails.  This method is futile. The folks at Royal Dansk, in additional to baking a darn good cookie, are masters of the tamper proof seal.

To gain entry, use a sharp instrument.  Tools to consider include a nail file, scissors, a well-pointed pen, a key, and a can opener.

Don't hesitate with this step.  Once you make the decision to breach the container, there's no going back.  Cut it open!

Choose by Twos

The butter cookies are nestled in white, individual paper sleeves.  Luckily, you don't have to decide which of the many shapes to eat.  You've already decided to eat them all.

The bite-sized joys may be consumed singularly or two to three at a time.  Whatever you decide, play it safe.

Nothing is more embarrassing than needing a Heimlich maneuver with a mouthful of contraband.

If a co-worker inquires about your activity from a distance, respond with as little information as possible.

"Nofin!" is a good answer.

Once you start, the treats are best eaten hurriedly.  A cup of water from the Absopure cooler or a Diet Coke might help with the turbo digestion.

Cruise From The Ruse

After the gorge, you must flee the scene quickly.  I recommend leaving the paper sleeves in the tin and replacing the lid.

You don't want to be caught with a pocketful of incriminating evidence.

Finally, wipe your chin and face.  Many cookie plots are foiled when a crumb is found hanging on the edge of the operative's mouth.  Don't be a rube who gets busted just because you forget to use a napkin.

When the co-worker's inquisition begins, act stunned.  Deny everything.  And by all means, keep the crime to yourself. 

So there you have it - you can polish off a tin of delicious butter cookies and finish the day with a belly full of magical goodness.

Happy holidays!

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