Trump Names Steven Seagal Secretary of Defense

Donald Trump has named action-movie star Steven Seagal to be Secretary of Defense.   

The announcement came after the two men played a game of paintball at Mar-A-Lago, Trump’s Palm Beach estate.  

“He’s the man for the job,” Trump said while still wearing army fatigues, “this red splatter proves it.”

Sources involved in the decision said the president-elect was impressed with Mr. Seagal’s military experience, martial arts prowess, and the way he kicked ass in all his movies.

“No one is tougher,” said the unnamed contact, “one time he was a cook on a naval ship and battled a gang of international terrorists.  That’s the guy we need in the White House.”

Some critics are worried about Seagal’s close ties with Vladimir Putin, who just granted the actor Russian citizenship. 

“To be honest, I don’t trust anyone from the Soviet Union,” said Senator Chet Farkins, “remember when they parachuted into our heartland in Red Dawn.”



Editorial Note: Follow me by email for a chance to win a free psychic reading