Trump Shoots Vladimir
Putin in Duel
After initial admiration wanes, Donald Trump challenges the
Russian president to a duel.
The men meet in a neutral location on a Swiss mountain.
Prior to commencement, Trump’s pistol misfires and
accidently grazes the Soviet leader.
A stunned Putin cries foul and demands Trump pay for his dry
cleaning.
Afterward, the two world leaders meet at the Craft service
table and split a chocolate gateau.
Batman Vs. Porky Pig
With superhero villains running scarce, Warner Bros. Pictures
releases Batman vs. Porky Pig.
The Caped Crusader underestimates the Looney Tunes pig, who
attacks with the ferociousness of a wild boar.
The climatic battle finds Batman being gored by the
squealing, maniacal swine.
Who wins?
The box office.
Cowboys Lose Super
Bowl After Ill-Timed Mannequin Challenge
With the game on the line against New England Patriots, the
Dallas Cowboys opt to do a Mannequin Challenge.
Quarterback Tom Brady realizes the defensive line has frozen
in place, at which point he tiptoes into the end zone.
The Patriots win 35-34, after which the Cowboys protest the
game, claiming New England had agreed to participate in the viral Internet
video.
The NFL plans to thoroughly investigate the incident.
Bernie Sanders Awes
Paris Fashion Show With Dress Sock Collection
Ex-Presidential hopeful Bernie Sanders puts his name on a
line of dress socks with diamond-studded leg suspenders.
The combination is a surprise hit during Paris Fashion Week
and catapults the junior United States Senator from Vermont into the fashion
spotlight.
Knockoff pieces show up on shelves at T.J. Maxx as the
public flocks to buy the footwear ensemble.
All proceeds are donated to a scholarship fund for street
mimes.
Kim Kardashian
Abducted by Aliens
TMZ reports Kim Kardashian has been taken to an unidentified
aircraft by space creatures.
The socialite confirms the abduction via Twitter and
announces a reality show based on her capture.
USA Network broadcasts the summer-long ordeal that reveals
extraterrestrials are a fun-loving lot.
No more so when they open the hatch and shoot a T-Shirt gun at star-struck
fans gazing up from earth.
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