Sunday, July 23, 2017

Humor Rewind by Gary George - A Weak Glance at News July 16 - July 22, 2017


New study showed that zombies no longer pose a threat at the mall, as most of the undead now shop exclusively on Amazon.
Singer R. Kelly adamantly denied he was leading a cult, but backed down on the claim he believed he could fly.
Couple missing 75 years found in glacier – man had map in hand, but believed not to have asked for directions.
O.J. Simpson had release hearing midweek.  Supporters chanted,  “If he regrets he stole, you must parole.”
White House committee revealed new Obamacare Plan C: An Apple A Day
Jane Austen was chosen to be on Britain’s new pound bank note, barely beating out runner-up, Jane’s Addiction.
Study revealed the name “Donald” has lost popularity.  But “Duck” had retained its likeability.
Wild monkeys were found roaming in Florida.  Sheriff said as long as one isn’t riding horseback, carrying a rifle, and named Caesar, he’s not overly concerned.
Ann Coulture went on a Twitter rampage after person in front of her in the “8 Items or Less” line had 14 items.
Top 3 Urgent Care Emojis were announced by Apple:
  1. Knife cutting a bagel
  2. Pink eye
  3. Legs sticking out of wood chipper

Wimbledon fell under suspicion of match-fixing, after replay showed Andy Murray played losing set with an egg whisk.
Salvador Dali’s remains were exhumed in a paternity suit.  Artist was known to have had an open marriage and participate in origami.

After learning Michael Phelps was racing a Great White Shark on the Discovery Channel, Joey Chestnut challenged a Labrador Retriever to a hot dog eating contest on the Food Network.

Before being released, OJ Simpson agreed to play against the guards in a game of football.



Follow me on Twitter: @garygeorgevich for more breaking news and insight.


4 comments:

  1. Awesome stuff! My fav was the line about "duck." Very funny!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Boy...

    Andrew Dice Clay' s SET the other night...on...JIMMY FALLON....

    WOW....
    YOUR A HACK & A THIEF....

    I take that back....
    Your not a Hack...

    This IS Kirk Nolands site...
    RIGHT???...

    Oops...my bad...

    GREAT STUFF GARY...

    MY FAVORITE WAS THE EMOJI
    Knife Cutting Bagel
    Pink eye
    Legs sticking out of a woodchipper...
    CLASSIC!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for taking the time to read this important news. You are officially "informed."

      Delete