Sunday, December 31, 2017

Humor Rewind by Gary George - A Week Glance at News December 24, 2017 - December 30, 2017



Gene Simmons accused of sexual misconduct, said he would like to Kiss and makeup.
Lakers retired Kobe’s jersey, also announced his ego will play on another four seasons.
Life expectancy is down for the second year in a row, experts blame people dying sooner.
After review by censors, the “Christmas Story Live” leg lamp had the shade lowered to 4” below the knee.
To 5 Gifts for the Procrastinator in Your Life
  1. Day Planner for 2012
  2. ABBA Tickets
  3. VHS Head Cleaner
  4. SAT Prep Handbook
  5. Typewriter Ribbon



Clarie’s pulled makeup items from shelves after testing positive for asbestos; same items still available at Dollar Tree.
New study linked fish consumption with higher IQ, and bacon bits with lower IQ.
Miss America CEO resigned after email scandal, was seen doing pageant pivot turn while walking out of office.
Advertisement:  Flash Sale at The Raincoat Factory.
Top 3 Gifts for the Exotic Pet Owner in Your Life
  1. Wallaby Car Restraint
  2. Squirrel Monkey GPS Collar
  3. Bearded Dragon Shaving Kit



Paul McCartney’s “One on One” tour earned $132 million in 2017, not including t-shirt sales of $18 billion.
China capped Shanghai’s population at 25 million, which was bad news for Zhang J.
El Chapo’s lawyers still haven’t been paid; Family said they’re having a bake sale and awaiting delivery of 8 tons of cocaine from makeshift submarine.


Today on Maury, the Brothers Karamazov found out they’re not related.
World’s wealthiest became $1 Trillion richer in 2017, not including Kohl’s cash.
Top 5 Gifts for The Conspiracy Theorist in Your Life
  1. “I’m with the Illuminati ” Beer Koozie
  2. Barack Obama Framed Birth Certificate
  3. Lunch with Elvis
  4. Fake Styrofoam Moon Landing Rock
  5. A Globe



Grandma got ran over by a reindeer, luckily she had Medicare Plan B.
Dollar store return policy: throw it in the garbage, it’s a dollar.
Rhino escaped from Florida zoo and burst into a movie theater showing Jumanji. 
World Health Organization classified ‘excessive video gaming’ as a mental health problem, according to director, Dr. Mario Frogger.
After being knighted, Ringo Starr uses his armor helmet as fifth cymbal.
Steve Austin had a cataract in his bionic eye.  Not covered by Blue Cross.




Follow me on Twitter: @garygeorgevich for more breaking news and insight


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