Prince Harry Left at the Altar
With the world watching,
Prince Harry is stranded at the altar when fiancé Meghan Markle fails to walk
down the aisle at their Royal Wedding.
A butler and footman scramble
to find the bride-to-be while waiters swing through the crowd with plates of roaming
appetizers, including mini jacket potatoes and chorizo prawn skewers.
Reality sets in when a horse
drawn carriage, driven by country music star Kenny Chesney, is seen speeding away
from Windsor Castle with a white-laced train caught in the door.
The relationship officially
ends for Harry and Meghan after the couple is seen yelling at each other at a
Pizza Hut in Piccadilly Circus.
Justin Timberlake Plays Polkas at Super Bowl Half Time
Justin Timberlake shocks fans
at Super Bowl Lll when he takes the stage wearing a blue houndstooth vest and
Bohemian peasant cap.
Instead of singing “Can’t
Stop This Feeling,” Timberlake straps on an accordion and belts out a medley that
includes the “Beer Barrel” and “Doghouse”
polkas.
Chaos ensues.
Dancers try to improvise a
two-step hop. Band members scramble to
find a clarinet and tuba. Speakers blare,
“I don’t want her, you can have her, she’s too fat for me!”
Afterward, Timberlake
apologizes for the unexpected switch.
“I’ve always liked polkas,” he
says, smiling, “I guess this may have not been the time.”
Network News Read by Talking Horses
Television networks, fed up
with the inappropriate behavior of staff, decide to have the news read by
horses.
CNN starts the trend by
bringing in a Clydesdale to fill in on weekends, then quickly expands the
hoofed anchor to full-time duties.
Of course the loveable
mammals only chew hay on camera, as an intern dubs over the audio, but ratings
shoot through the roof.
Soon NBC, CBS, ABC, and Fox all
have full-time thoroughbreds reading the top stories of the day.
The trend continues
throughout the year with sports being read by goats and weather by pigs.
N. Korean Platoon Defects & Wins Olympic Curling Gold
A group of North Korean soldiers defect to South Korea across the demilitarized zone in heavy fog while riding on Hoverboards.
The soldiers, carrying brooms and heavy stones, make the dangerous journey to compete in the Winter Olympics curling event.
Years of sweeping and cleaning in harsh conditions pay off as the team takes gold in a nail biting final against Sweden.
After the win, the team travels to America where they refuse a visit to the White House.
Anti-Aging Drug Turns Millions of Americans Into
Babies
A new drug that
hyper-reverses the aging process sweeps across America.
The drug, known as
“Springtime,” is initially prescribed by physicians to “knock a few years off,”
but when taken in large quantities can morph a user into a toddler within
hours.
The FDA scrambles to halt
distribution, but not before over 2.75 million people become infants.
The sudden influx of newborns
puts a heavy strain on family and relatives, who now have to buy cribs and find
daycare for their loved ones.
To add insult to injury, caregivers
cannot claim the children as dependents on their 2018 taxes.
The drug is made illegal by
mid year, but underground shipments still pour in from Peru and are doled out
from PEZ dispensers.
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